DISCLAIMER:
The characters belong to Studios USA and Renaissance Pictures and were used without permission. No copyright infringement was intended and no money was made.

WARNING:
This story contains explicit descriptions of male/female sexual relations.

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Mistaken Identities
by Kaiser

"Joxer!"

Jett flinched visibly and turned with annoyance as a large, hairy man lumbered across the room toward him. The assassin rumbled low in his throat. He had come to the bar to enjoy a drink and try to relax, not to fight with one of his brother's tormentors. Although, considering the nature of this dive, he was surprised that his kid brother had ever had the guts to come in in the first place.

The bear loomed over him in the dimly lit tavern, staring down through narrowed eyes. "I told you I never wanted to see your ferret face around here again, boy," the brute growled, dropping a meaty hand on Jett's shoulder. "You don't hear very good, do you? Maybe if I give you a good dunking in the horse trough again you'll get the idea."

The assassin grinned nastily and his hands flexed in anticipation. "Maybe you should get your greasy paws off my shirt, 'boy'. If you plan to keep your fingers." The huge man roared with laughter. Some of the other patrons looked at the pair nervously and began to move out of the way.

"You picked a fine time to grow a backbone. Too bad I'm gonna rip it out," the brute snarled. Whatever he was about to add dwindled to a choked wheezing as Jett's fingers closed, claw like, around his windpipe. His hands clawed uselessly as his leather clad attacker pulled him down to the table. Tears of terror filled his eyes. The assassin looked back at him, the glimmer of amusement in his own eyes not quite hiding the promise of an ugly death.

"You *really* don't know who you're dealing with, my friend," Jett told the bully. He released his claw hold on the big man's throat and smashed an elbow viciously under his chin. The brute's eyes crossed and he sank to the floor with a thud. Jett watched him hit, fist clenched and already aimed at the side of the thick skull. Rupture the artery behind the ear and the idiot would be dead in seconds.

He sighed. And he'd be back to the old pattern of sneaking into towns, being arrested on sight if he ever showed his face. It wasn't worth it. He'd already spent enough time in prison, courtesy of Xena and his do-gooder brother. If they locked him up for another year in that pit he was going to have to reconsider his sexual preferences. He decided to ignore the bully for a while and began looking for a barmaid. At least one of his needs was going to be serviced tonight.

"Who do you have to kill to get a drink around here?" he bellowed.

One of the girls passed him a mug of ale. She looked rather shaken. "Gods! What's eating you today?"

The assassin smirked and leered at her. "Nothing, yet. You volunteering?"

"Joxer?"

He flinched again and cursed softly at the feminine voice behind him. It was a brothel! His brother had never set foot in such a place as far as he knew. How could everyone here know of him? He shook his head, exasperated, and turned around. "Look, I'm not--"

"Joxer!" The woman leapt into his arms with a delighted squeal. He saw a faint blur of blue eyes, dark hair and a sinfully short dress before she was on him, legs wrapped tightly around his waist, lips skimming hungrily over his face. He staggered back under the impact until he lost his footing and collapsed against the bar. The woman settled comfortably onto his lap and began chattering away at him happily. The lull gave him a moment to focus on her face.

Jett's eyes bulged and his fingers tightened painfully on her hips. "Xena!" Then he stopped and took a closer look. The face, the eyes, the skin were just as he remembered, but the warrior's leathers had been exchanged for a dancer's outfit of sheer lace and silk. He looked into her eyes and saw a warmth and humor and a wicked promise, not the cold fury he had seen there last time. "Xena, is that you?"

She looked at him and laughed. "Silly boy, don't try to pretend you don't know who I am!" She kissed him again and ruffled his hair playfully. "I haven't seen you in months! What have you been doing with yourself?"

Jett grinned weakly as he tried to come up with something plausible. "Oh... the usual I guess. Saved a few villages from marauders, rescued a few people who needed rescuing. You know, all in a months work for Joxer the Mighty." He sent a silent plea to any listening gods that Xena was used to his brothers bragging. He was still in shock over the idea of his brother doing the famous warrior princess. He also prayed that he wasn't jumping to the wrong conclusions, as her warmth in his lap reminded him just how long he had been without a woman. If he tried something and was wrong, he might lose something more important than just his life.

She looked at him in confusion, for a moment, then smiled and shook her head. "Joxer, you know you don't have to impress me. I love you for who you are, not for who you want to be." She tapped him on the shoulder. "Come on, let's have a drink and then go someplace a little more private. We have a lot of catching up to do." She ground her hip against him enticingly.

Jett closed his eyes and groaned softly. He had never thought of being Joxer's twin as a good thing before, but he certainly wasn't complaining now. He took Xena in his arms and got to his feet, lifting and carrying her easily over to a table in a dark corner. Patrons melted out of their path like waves breaking before a ships prow. A few curious souls stared at them until he caught their eye, at which point they wisely found something more interesting to look at.

His new playmate laughed delightedly. "I see you've been getting some exercise! Has your little blond girlfriend been whipping you into shape when I wasn't looking?"

Jett blinked. What little blond? Was she talking about the girl with the staff that always hung around with her? Joxer was doing both of them? "Lucky son of a--"

"What was that?"

He blinked again, then gave her a confident smirk. "Only you, my dear. I've been away too long, and seeing you again, your beauty inspires me to new lengths."

She grinned back at him wickedly. "So I've noticed. One of your new lengths is poking me in the back. Perhaps we can find a better place for it."

Jett leaned back on the bench and drew her down into a long, deep kiss. His fingernails drew a lazy spiral on her back, making her squirm against him. She chuckled and started to pull away, but he held her where she was. The other patrons glanced over from time to time, found Jett staring back at them and returned their attention to the bar.

"We should get a room," She told him as she finally broke the kiss. "I've been waiting for this for months."

"Then why waste more time?" He reached beneath her and tugged at the drawstrings on his pants. "I'm here, now, and I'm all yours."

She glanced at him with wide eyes. "You want to do it in front of twenty people?"

He shrugged and grinned. "It's dark. No one is watching us, and I can be very quiet when I have to be. Since when are you shy, anyway?"

"Since when are you not?" Then she grinned at him. "All right, I'm game. But let's see if you can be quiet while I'm doing this." She silently slid off his lap and under the table. He felt her warm hands against his skin as she tugged at the drawstrings, freeing him for the moment, then her hot breath and the tickle of her tongue running up and down his length.

Jett had no problem playing her game, and sat quietly as she worked on him. She didn't make it easy for him as she licked him slowly and playfully, tongue swirling around the head before sliding back down to the root. Her teeth would scrape on his sensitive skin from time to time, making his hips jerk reflexively, but he locked his hands on the edge of the table and sat like a stone, refusing to make a sound.

She pumped his shaft with her hand, displeased with her slow progress, and suddenly fit her lips over the head and plunged all the way to the root in a single movement. Her tongue worked him unmercifully as she took a full thirty seconds to bring her lips back up to the crown, and another thirty to inch her way back down. Jett felt like he was going to crawl out of his skin after being deprived for so long. He couldn't suppress a few short gasps of pleasure, but they were lost in the normal sounds of the room. By the time she reached the head again his toes were starting to curl and he knew he couldn't hold back much longer. Nothing he could do or say would make her speed up her pace. He didn't know if he wanted her to.

The woman kneeling between his legs looked into his eyes and gave him a triumphant smile before swallowing him again. This time she took only the first inch or so into her mouth and swirled her tongue around him as she massaged his sack. The assassin lost his struggle, as he knew he would, and erupted in her mouth with a low, strangled groan. She held his hips down as he bucked and trembled, fighting the urge to thrust into her throat as she drained him dry. After a few moments she looked over the edge of the table. The customers were going to ridiculous lengths to ignore them, so she turned back to her lover and made a show of swallowing and licking her lips. He was still trembling and panting as she returned to her place on the bench beside him.

"Looks like I win," she told him. "That was fun. We'll have to do it again sometime." He sighed deeply and nibbled on her neck. The stories he had heard about Xena over the years just didn't do her justice. If his brother was enjoying this regularly it was no wonder he followed her around. She leaned against him and wiped her mouth daintily as she stroked his wet shaft. He was happy to notice that he hadn't gone completely soft. After all those months in prison, once was just not enough.

"So you've won, have you?" he told her with a wicked smile. "The match isn't over yet. You've had your turn, and now it's time to see if I can make you sing." She laughed as he took her former place beneath the tabletop.

Jett paused to enjoy her musky scent as he stroked her thighs, feeling the play of muscle beneath her smooth, soft skin. She was already wet, her lips pouting open slightly, but he wasn't ready to go there yet. He was spent and contented for the moment. Since she had enjoyed her game so much he decided to give her the same test. Leaning in slowly he planted a series of soft kisses on her smooth inner thighs. She sighed and spread her legs a little wider to give him access. Jett smiled but refused to rise to the bait. Instead he continued tickling her with his lips, never touching her center but letting her feel his hot breath as he skipped from side to side. After a minute of this he let his tongue snake out and brush her lightly, a little closer but still not quite touching her lips with his own as his hands explored her firm hips. She sighed and tangled her fingers in his hair, enjoying the game as much as he was.

When he decided that she was more than ready, he moved his mouth to her soft folds. His skilled fingers slowly rubbed over her swollen lips, spreading them apart. His long tongue flicked out, light as a butterfly, to sample her flavor. She hissed and thrust her hips forward, but he pulled back until she settled down to play. Moving in again, he seized her soft folds between his lips and suckled them, then licked his fingers and slowly slid one into her. Finding her hot and slippery, he added a second and began thrusting slowly in and out as his lips and tongue tortured her. The girl responded with soft sighs and moans and began rocking her hips against him.

He played her slowly for several minutes, backing off when he thought she was getting too close. He smiled as he watched her face. Her eyes were closed, her mouth slightly open and a delicate blush had spread across her face and breasts. The assassin slowly rotated his hand and began feeling for just the right spot inside her. When he found it her eyes flew open and she gasped loudly, her thighs locking around his head. Jett probed with his fingers as he finally found her swollen nub with his lips. Every moment he kept his eyes on her face. When he felt her inner muscles begin to tighten around his wriggling fingers he moved up, seized her clit between his lips and began to lash it with his tongue.

She came with a shriek, all thoughts of quiet forgotten. Her muscles clamped tight, trapping his fingers as she bucked her hips against his face. His head banged into the bottom of the table with a loud thud, and his groans of pain set her off again. Jett finally pried her legs and fingers off of him and huddled against the bench, clutching his throbbing skull.

"Are you all right, Meg?" someone asked. He wondered dimly who Meg was.

Meanwhile, she had noticed that everyone in the room was staring at her. "J... just a cramp. L... l... leg cramp. 'M fine." she managed to gasp.

The barmaid stared at her and grinned knowingly. "Oh, is *that* what you were massaging. Perhaps you should get Joxer to help you with it while he's down there."

"While I'm where?" a new voice asked. Twenty heads snapped around as Joxer walked in, clothed and armored as usual. He dropped his heavy helmet at the bar and walked toward Meg with a broad grin on his face. "I don't know what the problem is, but don't try to blame it on me. I just got here." He finally noticed Meg's wide-eyed expression and replaced his grin with a worried frown. "Hey, what's the matter?"

Jett crawled up between her splayed thighs, still rubbing his head. "You know, Xena, I'm glad you enjoyed yourself, but there are better ways to show your appreciation than giving me a concussion."

Joxer spotted him and spluttered to a halt. "Jett!" he squeaked. "Oh gods, he's attacking Meg!"

Jett whirled, nearly tumbling over Meg and the table in the process. "Joxer! Hey, wait, I'm not hurting anybody! And who in tartarus is Meg?"

A tankard of mead shattered against his already abused head. He sank to his knees, looking up into his lover's furious glare. "I'm Meg! Who in tartarus are you? Get away from me, you impostor!"

One of the bouncers lumbered over as Jett scrambled to his feet. "What's going on here? Don't move, maggot!" Whatever else might have been said was lost as Jett smashed him to the floor with three precise strikes. The master assassin leapt away from the table, seething with fury.

"Brilliant timing as always, dear brother. What is this, does everyone in the world have an idiot twin?" Jett backed carefully toward the door. "I'm getting out of here. Don't try to stop me."

Joxer stalked toward him, his own eyes flashing angrily. "Wait! What have you done to my girlfriend?"

Jett couldn't resist a wicked grin as he vanished into the night. "Nothing you wouldn't have done in my place, bro. But take my advice, and keep your helmet on."

The End