DISCLAIMER:
Xena and Hercules are the property of MCA/Universal/Studios USA and Renaissance Pictures. I'm just taking the liberty of reading their minds for a while. No copyright infringement is intended, and no financial profit is anticipated. :-) Please check with me before archiving or distributing.

WARNING:
This story takes place during 'Unchained Heart,' immediately before Xena and Herc's love scene and is rated R for sexual content (*Note from Ashera: I bumped the rating up to NC-17 because, although fairly tame, the language is overtly sexual*). It consists entirely of the characters' inner thoughts; one must assume there's conversation going on as well, but I'll leave that to the episode itself. There is also some briefly implied lesbian content, so anyone who's bothered by that sort of thing should stop reading now. However, if you *do* like that sort of thing, you might want to check out my X/G stories which are available at Giffstein Productions.

Feedback welcome at astarte@cyberg8t.com.

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Unchained Thoughts
by atara
Copyright © 1998

*** I wonder if I should say anything to him. I might die in battle with that scum Darphus, may he be damned to Tartarus! Would it be so wrong to reach out for some pleasure and affection? I really want to be close to him, but would it be fair? I won't be able to stay with him if I survive the battle. I have so much to do to make up for my past, and I have to do it alone. Especially after I used his friend Iolaus like that, how can I think of using him just for my own comfort? And why would that good man want to lie with the 'Destroyer of Nations?'***

*** I can't believe I'm feeling this way about her. I know she's changed. I know she has a good heart that's finally been set free. But after what she did to Iolaus . . . And how would Iolaus feel? I'm sure he still has feelings for her. How could he not? There's an energy and a mystery to her that's hard to resist. Down boy! Get real. Somehow, I don't think I'm her type. * * *

* * * Down girl! You're just going to have to keep your hands off that man. Oh, but look at that mouth, those lips. It would feel so good to suck his tongue into my mouth and right down my throat. Yes! And those arms--they could be sculpted out of marble. It would be delicious to sink my teeth into one of those arms and suck till I left a bruise and be able to say to myself *I put that there!* And what a back to dig my nails into! And that chest. I could lick him all over--is it so wrong to want to taste some of his sweetness for myself? Maybe some of it would rub off. * * *

* * * Yes, a good heart, but there's a darkness about her, even now. There probably always will be. There's a cold fire shining out of those blue eyes. I don't even want to know the crimes she's done, the evil she's capable of. So why does her darkness draw me? Why do I want to taste it, breathe it in? Can she be with a man without using him? Do I care? Go ahead, warrior princess, use me. Just let me run my hands along those muscled arms and legs. Let me drown in those icy blue eyes. Maybe I can bring some warmth to them. Oh, Hercules, stop kidding yourself. * * *

* * * Oh yes, such sweetness. Rare in a man. Iolaus had it too, but he was too easy. He didn't have that calm center that draws me to Hercules. And he has a nice body, but there's no comparison. *This* man has just so much to sink my teeth into. I want to eat him up. I want to grab handfuls of that wonderful ass and squeeze. I want to cover him with oil and mold him with my hands. I want to feel him driving into me so I feel it the next day. And, damn it, I want to see him looking into my eyes with that sweetness that is in him. * * *

* * * I can't help it. I want to surrender to her strength. I want to look up to her, put my hands around her waist, worship her breasts with my hands and my mouth. I can just feel a breast cupped in each hand, yielding to my fingers. I want to make her nipples hard with desire. I want to make her feel good. Imagine those legs straddling my head while I kiss and taste and lick her center! I would be so slow, so careful, let her feel every sensation. She looks so lonely--when's the last time someone just tried to make her feel good? I want to sink my tongue inside her. I want her to taste herself on my lips and tongue. What I wouldn't give to kiss that mouth, then to pull back just a little and feel those eyes piercing into me. And to move inside her. Just ride me, beautiful warrior, as long and as hard as you like. I gladly devote my strength to your pleasure. * * *

*** I shouldn't do this to him. I can't really love him--I can't love any man like that since Lao Ma. My heart could only belong to a woman now. But would it be so wrong? I could love him as a friend and fellow-warrior. He wouldn't be just a toy like the others. I can't remember the last time I met a man I could respect. And he gave me a chance to change, to learn what Lao Ma was trying to teach me all along. I don't want to lose his friendship. Is it possible for friends to make love? Make love? When was the last time I thought of it as anything but fucking--just some friction to release tension? In Chin of course. But this is different. I fell in love with Lao Ma; I would do anything she said. I would have gladly given myself to her for her to own--if I hadn't been such an idiot. And that's what I really want to find--someone who can belong to me and who I can give myself to. I can't give myself to Hercules--all I want is to share some closeness for a while. And, well, to have my way with that magnificent body. Xena, girl, you really haven't changed a bit. * * *

* * * I can see it in her eyes; she has a path she has to follow, and that path doesn't include me. I could fall in love with this bewitching warrior--so beautiful, so hard, and with depths I can't begin to imagine. But I can see she's not meant for me. I want to be her friend, give her what help I can on her new path. Would it be wrong to share the pleasure of our bodies for once? Can friends make love and stay friends? Why not?

Why not touch those lips and trace their shape? Why not taste each of her fingers, worshipping each in turn? Why not get tangled in that black hair? Why not pay her tribute, envelop her in warmth, shower her with pleasure, before I have to let her go? Why not give her something to make her road a little sweeter?* * *

* * * How can anyone talk about challenging "the forces of evil" and sound so sincere? He means it. No pretension, no ego, just a simple conviction of doing right without being wrapped up in himself. How refreshing! And as he talks, I just want to wrap my fingers into his hair, suck his lip into my mouth and taste his sweetness, stroke him everywhere and feel those muscles humming under my fingers. I want to gaze straight down into those gentle eyes while he fills me. He's looking at me, so expectantly. Can he want what I want? Can he understand it can only be today? I can't help it; I have to tell him how I feel. * * *

The End